I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
