had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
