Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
