Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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