I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
