hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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