I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
