just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
