ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
