she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
