i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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