when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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