We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
