she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
