"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
