I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
