Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
