apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
