I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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