Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
