Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
