We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
