Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
