I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There's always time for handjobs
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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