I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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