??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
