She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
