You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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