where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
