I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My vagina is officially offended.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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