I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
