Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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