Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
