Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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