If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
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