Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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