pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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