i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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