I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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