Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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