Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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