i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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