Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
