were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
