I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
