My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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