Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
