Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
