this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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