You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
