How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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