Your tits are I can't wait for
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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