hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
