Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
